Still, to Orlov his actions — in reality the symptoms — spoke louder than words.
Another common challenge is what Orlov terms “symptom-response-response.” ADHD symptoms alone don’t cause trouble.
Also helpful is generating ideas together about completing a project and “coordinating [your] expectations and goals.”As you’re starting to work on your relationship, the partner with ADHD might initially react defensively because they assume that they’ll be blamed for everything.
With good intentions, the non-ADHD partner starts taking care of more things to make the relationship easier.
And not surprisingly, the more responsibilities the partner has, the more stressed and overwhelmed — and resentful — they become.
But this has to be a done in a thoughtful and reasonable way so you don’t set your partner up for failure.
It requires a specific process that involves assessing the strengths of each partner, making sure the ADHD partner has the skills (which they can learn from a therapist, coach, support groups or books) and putting external structures in place, Orlov said.
As Orlov said, when you know that your partner’s lack of attention is the result of ADHD, and has little to do with how they feel about you, you’ll deal with the situation differently.
Together you might brainstorm strategies to minimize distractibility instead of yelling at your partner.Over time, they take on the role of parent, and the ADHD partner becomes the child.While the ADHD partner may be willing to help out, symptoms, such as forgetfulness and distractibility, get in the way.1. Knowing how ADHD manifests in adults helps you know what to expect.Say a couple is struggling with a parent-child dynamic.A way to overcome this obstacle, according to Orlov, is for the non-ADHD partner to give away some of the responsibilities.This might involve going on weekly dates, talking about issues that are important and interesting to you (“not just logistics”) and even scheduling time for sex.